Criticism...

Yesterday, I shared my feelings to my parents, that I like that girl from my maternal side and wish to marry with her. And you know what, everyone in my family starts criticizing me. 

My father said, "Have you gone mad? Don't you understand that she would be your sister in distant relationship? What would the society say? The people would laugh at us. Do you want the reputation of our family should be brought down to dust? Do you find any scarcity of girls in our community that you are thinking about her?"

My grandmother said, "Why are you giving so much importance to physical beauty? Does good nature, good character and culture means nothing to you?"

My elder brother and sister is criticising me and saying to not to go for that girl. My elder sister's husband is criticising me too. He even advised me to not to think about that girl and concentrate on my studies as I have to appear for UPSC this year. He told me to go to Delhi once again and do some coaching. When I told him that I don't need any coaching, and studying and preparing well from home itself, he scolded me and said, "Preparation of UPSC can not be done from home. You have to study 12 to 14 hours a day." Contrary to this, when I was an aspirant approximately two years ago, and was not selected anywhere, he told me once, "Don't dream too high. Do the government teaching job quietly which you will get after your teacher training course and concentrate on your family business. Civil services preparation demands hard work and devotion and I doubt your capacity." And now, he is suggesting me to go for civil services.

I was listening to all of my family members and their criticism. I think I gradually become indifferent towards them. Their advices, though valuable, seems  useless to me. No one is thinking about my wish, my feelings and my aspirations. Everyone is concerned about society. 'What the society would say?'

If they would come to me and ask me, "what I would say about them, about their society?" I will describe them in just a single sentence, "You all are crab in a tank!!" 

Jitendra Gupta

A tale of two girls...

Finally I have decided to marry with any girl in my own caste. Inter caste marriage would proved to be a disaster for me, and I am in mood to ruin my life. I have seen several girls on various matrimonial sites, in our society, their photographs, bio data and all that, but shortlisted only two girls, both of them belongs to my caste. Both of them are cute and charming, irrespective of there optant, because one of them was liked by me while other, by my family. Indian marriages are not as simple to fix as seen from above. As the renowned Indian author Mr. Chetan Bhagat, in his novel, '2 States' (which I have read when I was doing my post graduate studies), have described about Indian marriages as...  

"Love marriages around the world are simple: Boy loves girl. Girl loves boy. They get married. In India, there are a few more steps: Boy loves Girl. Girl loves Boy. Girl’s family has to love boy. Boy’s family has to love girl. Girl’s Family has to love Boy’s Family. Boy’s family has to love girl’s family. Girl and Boy still love each other. They get married."

Although I am not talking about love marriage here, but above lines are very much true for arranged marriage too. Just replace the word 'love marriage' with 'arranged marriage' and word 'loves' to 'likes', and the above lines would became like this...

"Arranged marriages around the world are simple: Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy. They get married. In India, there are a few more steps: Boy likes Girl. Girl likes Boy. Girl’s family has to like boy. Boy’s family has to like girl. Girl’s Family has to like Boy’s Family. Boy’s family has to like girl’s family. Girl and Boy still like each other. They get married."

You might be wondering, 'So what is the problem?' OK! I am trying to explain. On the one hand, There is a girl opted by my parents. That girl, her nature, her family, her family's status in society, her physical beauty each and everything were considered a suitable match for me by my parents and many in my family. The girl's family have visited numerous times to my home and are very much interested in me because I am a PCS officer with blue beacon on my four wheeler. But I am rather skeptical about that girl despite all the praising about her by my family members. The girl is more simplistic, less fashionable and serious in nature. (Such persons are called mediocre.) Interestingly, these traits are mine too. I am also simplistic, less fashionable and serious in nature. (So I am a mediocre too.) I dislike mediocre, so I dislike myself too. Perhaps, this is the reason, I don't feel any type of attraction towards her despite meeting her for once. And she remained a stranger for me. I could not imagine her as my future wife. Apart from that, I have no reason to say no to them.

On the other hand, there is another girl. The girl is the daughter of one of my maternal uncles  in a distant relationship. I like this girl the most. I like her physical beauty but unaware of her nature as I have chatted with her only once. She is very attractive, very fashionable and a talkative girl. I am deficient in these elements, that is why I like these traits. You can say, I am being hypnotized towards her beauty that I can imagine her as my future wife. Although I know that physical beauty is not eternal, it would last in few years and it is the nature and soul of that person living in that physical body, which is eternal, yet I am unable to convince my heart. My family members already knew about her family and their history. There was once a property dispute at her home, and my father had helped her father. To which her father is indebted to our family even today although there was a dispute relating to money between my father and her father and her father had complained about this in our society. My father had to face defamation. He was branded as a greedy person despite his one sided support towards her father. I think this is the sole problem, that is why my family members are skeptical towards her family. My maternal uncle, too, have visited my home many times and are very much interested for the same reason (PCS). I came to know about that girls only a few days ago. They have contacted us for marriage only after my PCS result was announced. Before that I was unaware about her. (I don't know what they were thinking of me before my result? Why they have not contacted my father for this?) My grandmother told her family that I would be her brother in our relations so this marriage is not possible. 'What would the people and our society say?' Such types of relations are possible only in muslim community and not in hindus.

So what should I do now? Although I like that girl (of my maternal side), but my parents don't agree. And I don't like that girl on which my parents are agree. I have tried to convince my parents but failed. Contraty to this, they start moulding me in to their thoughts. You can say, It is easy for me to fight and rebel from my own family, but it is much harder to convince them. 

Jitendra Gupta

Riddle...

Yesterday, I met her after a long time. She was my batch mate in teaching course time and currently preparing for civil services exam. She was asking me for party for my selection in civil services exam. So I invited her in a restaurant. After enjoying party, I along with her, went to a nearby park. There were so many couples in that park, and all of them were loving each other. So it was a kind of lover's park. She was looking very cute and charming. Together we spent two to three hours at that place. We were talking about our friendship, career, future, marriage and many more things. That was really a memorable time. I was lost in conversation with her, that I forgot I was sitting in any park. I have always have a feeling of affection since day one of the teaching course, but unfortunately, I never crimp enough courage to share my feeling with her. Meanwhile, one of my close friend proposed her and she became girlfriend of my friend. In spite of this, I always maintained my friendship with her. I always thought that I am not deserving her. But, yesterday, when I shared my feeling and told her that I felt affectionated since the commencement of our teaching course, she seemed not surprised. Rather her feeling was like mine, she told me. It seemed to me as time stopped at that place and we were back in to the past when we were together at that time. I was trapped in a nostalgia and for the first time I wished to have her. She was trying to hold my hand. The feeling related to innocent touch of her hand is fresh in my heart even at this time.
She has become a riddle for me. Nothing would be wrong if I continue my friendship with her, but if I take the forward step and asked her to move ahead in our relationship, it would cost very dear to me. Most probably I would lost my close friend (who is currently her boyfriend). My family would end up all relations with me. I would become enemy for her family as our caste is different. Her family would never accept me as I am from lower caste and she would not be accepted in my family as she belongs to upper caste. May be they would murder us as it would be an inter caste marriage and our orthodox society would never accept it. May be they would socially boycott me and my family and my family would become scapegoat for this caste related hatred. This would be the trailer of that horrible film for which I would try to write script if I would take forward step in relation with her. Am I have enough courage to face such atrocities? Perhaps not!!
It was getting evening. I said goodbye to her. All the couples were still busy in loving at that park. I went to bus stand and took my bus to home. I was thinking about her throughout my ride. But when I reached my home, there was another story remaining to be unfold. It was related to my marriage, an arranged marriage.
Marriage has become a riddle, too, which I am feeling unable to decode. Father has done his duty and searched a girl for me. What should I do now? Should I marry with her or not? Although I have met her for once, but even after that she seems stranger to me. I don't feel any type of attraction towards her. Should I marry any stranger, whom I don't know well? I have never defied my father. He told me to do graduation in pharmacy, I did. He told me to do business after under graduation and post graduation, I did. He told me to do teacher training course, I did. He told me to prepare for civil services exam, I did. Now he is telling me to marry a girl of his choice. As you can see, It is the life which I am not living on my own terms and conditions, my life is defined by my father. I have never find any chance in my 30 years of life, to develop my personal likes and dislikes. That is why I, myself, have told him that I am unable to search any girl, as I am inexperienced. I don't know how to opt a girl for marriage, so it would be better, if you do this job. 

You might have seen so many smiling faces of brides and grooms on their wedding day. I wonder, what makes them to smile. Is it a suitable life partner of their choice? Is it the beginning of a so called new life? Is it sex? What is that, that makes them smile? 

I think I have developed a tendency to convert simple things in life in to complicated one. I have done these things earlier and I am doing this again and again. There are so many persons in our society, who are happily married and living a good life. Why this always happens to me? Why do I makes life complicated? 

One the one hand, there is the girlfriend of my friend. I and she, both are having a feeling of affection for each other and very curious to go ahead on that path which is full of difficulties. If I opt this option, it would be a love marriage. But if I follow the path shown to me by my father (of arranged marriage), the life would be much easier and full of respect, which the society would bestow on us. I have make things complicated. Now I myself have to solve this riddle but I don't know how??....

Jitendra Gupta

Illusion...

There is no scope of adding the word 'Probably' in it. I remember it clearly, I have never seen him being hospitalized like this for last 28 years of my life. While I have been hospitalized on several occasions in this short span of my life.
He was lying on the bed in front of me, but he was not feeling sleepy. Rather he was yawning. 'Such things are common in hospitals', I thought. I have gone there just in the morning while my brothers were with them in hospital room throughout night. But now, only I was there with him in the hospital room. Amma, too, had gone. One hour had passed since I went there, and we were not feeling like talking to each other. Just then the sound of a type of prayer entered in the room...
'Itani shakti hame de na data! man ka vishwas kamjor ho na!'
"Same prayer use to be use at several other college, Isn't it Annu!", Father was asking me, and before I replied, he himself said, "I have listened the same prayer at many places."
There was a Nursing College attached just beside the hospital in which we were staying. Morning prayer was being organised in the college and its sound was coming to us.
"Yes! it is the "