Past to be blamed or not?

When I was studying in my graduation, I came across a quote written by a famous philosopher,

"Past is the cause of present and present will be the cause of future. All these are interlinked with each other."

and I was considering this quote very true, and has applied many times, whenever something unusual happened in my personal life. It was the result of this quote that, often, I blame my past, my decision of doing B.Pharm. instead of preparing for PMT (Pre Medical Test). Even today, I think many times that I should have been prepared for the PMT, after my intermediates. I felt guilty for a long time because the decision of doing B.Pharm. was wrong in my attitude, which has spoiled my bright future.

If I had prepared for PMT after my intermediate, then the present canvas of my life would be something different. I am not saying that I have become totally useless by doing B.Pharm, but the envy of a doctor has been occupied a permanent place in my heart, and it has glued in my mind as any unfulfilled wish. For a long time, I has constantly blaming myself totally for it. In addition to this, I also question myself, 'is it right to blame our past for the cause of present?' I was continuously searching for it's answer.

As presently, I am reading the newest autobiographical novel, 'Aleph' by one of my favourite author, Paulo Coelho. I has read his many novels, in which 'The Alchemist' is my favourite one.  While reading this novel yesterday, I got the answer of one of my question, 'is it right to blame our past for the cause of present?'

Mr. Coelho has a different attitude over this question. According to Mr. Coelho-

"We learn in the past, but we are not the result of that. We suffered in the past, loved in the past, cried and laughed in the past, but that is of no use to present. The present has it's challenges, it's good and bad side. We can neither blame nor be grateful to the past for what is happening now. Each new experience has nothing to do with past experience, it's always new."

In a different place in this novel, he has written,

Image courtesy: https://www.facebook.com/paulocoelho

"You can spend your entire life blaming the world, but your successes or failures are entirely your own responsibility. It takes a huge effort to free yourself from memory, but when you succeed, you start to realize that you are capable of far more than you imagined."

"They lie in what you call the "past" and await a decision to be made in what you call the "future". They clog your mind and slow you down, and won't let you understand the present"


I found his thoughts very useful and very inspiring as it has changed my way of thinking. I don't think now, I have committed any mistake by doing B.Pharm.....

now a days...

Today when I took my pen, and thought to write any poem, nothing appeared in my mind. I was holding my pen over the blank white page for more than a hours and staring continuously the tree outside of my window. I was gazing the trespassers, vehicles and animals wondering on the roads. I was thinking and thinking and thinking continuously, but my every attempt was wastage. I couldn't understand anything, I couldn't conclude anything and my mind is full of questions, like this..... 

'What happened to me?'

'Why my days are passing so much unproductive?'

'Am I killing my time?'

'Am I spoiling my future?'

'What is my future?'

'What is my destiny?'

'It's true, I am not satisfied with myself.'
'I am doing nothing to satisfy myself.'

'Those things which I can do with my qualifications (Pharmacy); I am not doing honestly.'

'Those things which is my hobby to do (writing novels), I am feeling boring to do that?'

'I am only thinking so much for my future.'

'I lack the courage to change my destiny.'

I don't know, what is hidden for me in the lap of future, and I am completely fade up with all these thoughts. 
Although I have written two lines in these hours only which can describe my actual situation, through which I am going now a days......

I don't know, 'How the days are passing?'

but it's true, and 'the days are passing.'   

Jitendra Gupta

an orphan puppy;;

It was really a small and an orphan puppy, which attracts my attention, when I was on my way. I like these creatures specially dogs. The following poem, I have written when I saw a small puppy, searching for feeding itself. The poem is divided in two parts, that is 'Observation' and 'Conclusion'. In the first part, I observe it and my heart filled with respect for these creatures, and in second part, conclusion is derived for their future......

{OBSERVATION}

It was the january's month,

and the chilly breeze was blowing.

I was going on my way,

and was lost in my thinking.

I saw a small puppy,

wandering on my way ahead.

It was searching something,

beside the roadside drainage.

I didn't say anything, and

and simply crossed it.

when it saw me, and

waved its tail.

I saw it's eye,

full of innocence, full of life.

I lost in it's beauty,

once, twice and even thrice.

It remained in my memory,

like any unfullfilled wish,

and I reached my home,

while thinking about it.

It was a small orphan puppy,

and nothing else.

struggling to feed itself,

through the night and day.

{CONCLUSION}

This is the jungle of concrete,

in which I am living,

where the humans are

neither human nor beast indeed.

Humans have occupied all,

including five elements.

nothing left for these creatures,

except their death.

Jitendra Gupta

Right or Wrong;;

I have asked a number of persons about what to choose between the two options, I am having presently, but every advice made me a little more confused and left me in lurch. If anybody ask me, I will say, "Who are we to decide about what is right or what is wrong? We can not manipulate the results in our favor. In addition to this, what we can do is only to make attempt and wait for the results."  

There are few persons, some of them are my close friends, who would not be happy if I would leave my present job, and they will surely say, "You have spoiled your career." While majority of persons, including my family members, would be happy if I leave my current job and opt for option two. 

The time..

I think I am completely obsessed with the night, because majority of my poems are based in night. I don't know, why it is so? In the day time, I remain busy and I don't get any time to think about any creativity. But when the night falls, and I enter in my room after completing most of my work, my mind automatically starts to think some new things. These things turn in to words and words, ultimately in to poems.

Today, while I was returning to my home after a long walk in the night, I observe the clock tower closely. It seems to me as there was some thing so mysterious about it, and I start to continuously think about it. 

  

In the middle of the night;

when the whole world sleep;

I gaze the clock tower, 

while standing on my feet.

The moments pass in seconds;

the seconds make a minute;

the minutes turned in to hours;

and I listen the bell of tower.

Each moments have it's story;

each story have it's ending;

the ending makes me surprise,

and I say, "Life is full of miracles."

The time passes at it's speed;

it is a real friend indeed;

it teaches us many lessons;

including "Don't make enemies." 

Jitendra Gupta

Winners stand alone..

It gives me pleasure when I wonder in the foggy night. I like the loneliness and dislikes the crowds. In addition to this, it gives me satisfaction too because there is no one on my way to oppose me, when I use to wonder in the night. Normally peoples use to hide in their blanket in such cold nights but I love such nights. I have written my experience in the form of a poem, hope you will like it.... 

There is the fog;

There is the mist;

I can see everywhere,

on the streets.

I am here;

watching the moon light;

while standing in the cold.

below the sky of night.

Sky's color looks white;

It seems so bright;

Although there is no source-

of light in the night.

There is the drops-

of water, called 'dew';

I'm feeling it, while breathing,

while blinking, on my eyebrows.

There is silence;

and no sound at all.

except one or two voices-

coming from very far.

I like the loneliness,

I like the desert zone,

I feel like the conqueror;

because winners stand alone.

Jitendra Gupta