विस्मृत स्मृतियाँ

मैं भूल कर भी तुम्हे भूल ना सका, 

जो बात कहनी थी वो कह ना सका,

आज सुबह जब आइना देखना चाहा,

"वो मेरी ही शक्ल थी?" मैं कह ना सका.
रह-रह कर तुम मुझे याद आते हो,

जब-तब यादों की बरसात कर जाते हो,

बस भी करो अब और ना सताओ,

अब चैन से रहने दो मेरे पास ना आओ.
बहुत वक़्त गुजरा तुम्हारी यादों में,

पर पत्थरों को तरस कहाँ आता है, 

कहो तो गुजार दूँ सारी उम्र तनहा, 

पर अंधेरो को रौशनी कहाँ भाती है.

A very happy and prosperous new year to all my blog readers.....

Jitendra Gupta 

The Sixth Sense of Granny

There is no comparison of the goodness of the sun light with anything else in this world. And now a days; due to severe cold and fog and mist in atmosphere, we hardly get any chance to enjoy the sun, and this morning was different from the morning of all days, because the sun was shining in the sky and I was sitting on the terrace of my home to enjoy the sun. I was looking very tense as I was confused over some matter and could not determine "What should I do?".   I was thinking of continuing my current and temporary job which I am doing faraway from my home in a research institute or to quit it and join the training course of two year which will offer me permanent government job of teaching in my hometown. While the former is related to my study and demands more investment of approximately 6-7 years and which is uncertain too, the later leads me towards the settlement in my life and promised me to offer a government job and a bright future. I was pondering over this question and it has become the usual condition for me because now because I have become addicted to this condition of dilemma.

My grandmother, whom I called 'Amma', and who usually lived in our village home, has arrived here at our home in city, after a long time. She, too, was sitting there and caring my newly born nephew. She was massaging him and meanwhile taking a glimpse of me. I was aware that she was observing me, so I was trying to look normal. But I was annoyed very much and staring continuously the vehicles and trespassers on the roads. I thought many times to discuss the matter with Amma, but I didn't know what forbids me to do so. May be it was communication gap or something else due to which I was hesitating and could not talk with her.

She broke the silence and asked me, "What are you thinking?" 

"Nothing.." I replied.

"Oh;; so what have you decided for your future?" She asked again.

Now, Amma was getting the nerve of my problem on which I was thinking continuously. 

"I am feeling unable to decide anything." I replied.

"Your elder sister has told me that you should not leave the opportunity offered to you at your hometown and join this training, although you can leave your temporary job which you are doing faraway from your home." She was saying, "This training course is much better for you and for your future, and not that job."

I don't know how has she come to know my problem? Nobody has told her about my problem, although she was aware of my condition. It was, perhaps, her sixth sense, I concluded, due to which she read my mind exactly.

She has solved my problem, but this solution, too, turned in to a problem for me....as I am a born confused.  

अभिलाषा;

जब आप प्यार में होते है, तो सब कुछ अच्छा लगता है, हर चीज़ खुशनुमा दिखाई देती है, जब आप हँसते है, तो दुनिया भी आपके साथ हसती है, और जब दुनिया मायूस होती है तो भी आप हसते है. आपको समझ नहीं आता की लोग इतने दुखी और परेशान क्यों होते है. सारी दुनिया इतनी सुन्दर प्रतीत होती है की मन करता है की ये समय हमेशा बना रहे. और आप हमेशा मुस्कराते रहे. इन्ही अनुभवों पर कुछ पंक्तिया प्रस्तुत है.....

ना जाने क्यों तुमसे मिलने को दिल करता है,

तुम्हे पाने, तुम्हे छूने को दिल करता है,

मैं नहीं जानता ये क्या है, बस

तुम्हारी साँसों को महसूस करने को दिल करता है.

तेरे दिल की धड़कन मुझे यहाँ सुनाई देती है,

तेरे बदन की महक में, मैं अभी भी बेहोश हूँ,

तेरे होंठो पर आये हर एक शब्द,

मुझसे यही कहते है- "मैं तुमसे प्यार करती हूँ"
मैं सोचता हूँ...

तेरी आँखों में खो जाने को दिल करता है,

तेरी साँसों में सिमट जाने को दिल करता है,

मैं, मैं ना रहूँ, तू, तू ना रहे,

तेरे इतने करीब आने को दिल करता है.

हर तरफ थी खुशियाँ, पर मुझमे थी तन्हाई,

सब लोगो के बीच मुझे मुस्कान तेरी याद आई,

तू पास भी थी, तू दूर भी है,

पर मेरी हर सांस में तू थी छायी,

मुझे याद तुम्हारी आई. 

                                                             © जीतेन्द्र गुप्ता

तुम कहाँ हो...?

 

सच में तुम हो?

या मुझमे कहीं गुम हो?

कहने को हर जगह हो,

पर जाने; तुम कहा हो?

दूर छितिज पर तुम हो,

बंद पलको में भी हो,

मन की गहराई में तुम हो,

नभ की उंचाई में भी हो.

कुछ कहूँ?

जो सुनो?

ना कहूँ?

कुछ सुनो;

दिनकर की किरणें है,

मन की तरंगें,

कुछ तुम कहो;

छाए मन में उमंगें.

छाया आकाश;

या नीला समुन्दर?

नीला आकाश;

या गहरा समुन्दर?

 

भ्रमित हूँ?

व्यथित हूँ?

मैं क्या हूँ?

विचित्र;

करना क्या है?

ना कोई नशा है,

है भी अगर तो,

वो जाने कहाँ है?

 

मन में बसा था,

मन में बसा है,

मन का वो वासी;

अब जाने कहाँ है?

                                                                                                  © जीतेन्द्र गुप्ता

ख़ामोशी;;

पहले प्यार की हर एक बात निराली होती है और जब भी आप पहले प्यार के बारे में सोचते है तो आप रोमांचित हो उठते है. उसकी यादें आपके साथ जिन्दगी भर बनी रहती है और आप उसको अपने दिल के किसी कोने में बहुत सहेज कर रखते है.

एक वक़्त था जब मैंने पहला प्यार किया था और वो ही मेरा आखिरी प्यार भी साबित हुआ. आज अचानक ही जब  उसका चेहरा नजरों में छा गया और उसके साथ बिताये कुछ खुशनुमा पलों को याद कर रहा था तो कुछ पंक्तिया अपने आप ही पन्ने पर साकार होती गयी. उसी अनुभव पर कुछ पंक्तिया प्रस्तुत है-

"ख़ामोशी" से बातें कर रहा था,

की वो आ गयी,

मुझे ऐसा लगा.

बातें रुक सी गयी,

और वक़्त थम सा गया,

पागल मन जो बेचैन सा था,

बस उसी में सिमट सा गया.

हां; शायद,

कुछ पल के लिए शायद,

बारिश रुक सी गयी थी.

साँसे तेज हो गयी थी,

और धड़कने बेगानी हो चली थी,

बदन तो पूरा शिथिल हो गया था,

और अन्दर एक तूफ़ान उठ चला था.

उजाले ने अँधेरे से दोस्ती कर ली थी,

और वो-मैं बस हम दोनों ही थे,

मेरी नजरें उसमे उलझती गयी,

और वो मुझमे लिपटती गयी.

जैसे कभी हम अलग थे ही नहीं,

इतने पास, इतने करीब,

जैसे मैं उसमे बहता गया दूर तलक,

और वो मुझमे सिलती गयी.

जैसे वो पूनम की रात थी,

और मैं व्योम विस्तार,

जैसे वो रजनी का प्यार थी,

और मैं उसका श्रृंगार.

मुझे लगा-

यह अनुभव कुछ अजीब था,

पर तभी यह महसूस हुआ,

की मैं सपने में चूर था.

 

फिर भी.....

वैसे....

कुछ बातें यूँ ही नहीं हो जाती.......

                                                                                                                 © जीतेन्द्र गुप्ता

Lonliness;;

I have joined NBRI (National Botanical Research Institute) situated at Lucknow and I am going through a new experience these days. It is related with the official research work and I have to do the research under a scientist.

उदासी;;;;

उदासी;;

ओ; मेरी प्रियतमा,

मैं जी रहा हूँ तो बस,

तेरे सहारे,

तेरे ही आँचल में,

तेरे किनारे.

कोई ना मिला तो,

मिली मुझको तू,

प्रेम से भरी, 

और शांत कितनी तू.

दुनिया जो रूठ जाए,

हर कोई छूट जाए,

मनमीत जो मेरे है,

वो भी ना पास आयें.

और जन्म के जो रिश्ते,

वो भी जो टूट जाए,

हो पास कोई दुविधा,

और जीवन लगे निरुपाय.

तब प्राण-प्रिये मेरी,

तू मुझको याद आये.

उदासी;;;

ओ; मेरी प्रियतमा....

जीतेन्द्र  गुप्ता

ख्वाहिशे

ख्वाहिशे

एक के बाद एक

ना जाने क्यों?

ना जाने कैसी?

ना जाने कितनी?

जीवन भर की.

ख्वाहिश अरुणाभ छितिज की,

सुधा, सुमन, सांत्वना, शिखर की,

सृजन, सौम्य, सौंदर्य, सुगम की.

ख्वाहिश- "सत्यम-शिवम्-सुन्दरम" की,

पर उपेक्षा, अर्पण, मान- अपमान,

जाने कितनी बातें....और आत्मसम्मान;

ना जाने क्यों अव्यक्त का साम्राज्य?

दृश्य-अदृश्य, श्रव्य-अप्श्रव्य,

जो है और जो नहीं है......उसका आस्तित्व.

जीतेन्द्र गुप्ता

(Earlier I have posted this poem in english font on my blog. At that time I don't know how to write in Hindi on the blog, but thanks for this widget which enables me to write in Hindi font. I love this.....)

Hunting for spirits;;;

When night falls, often I leave my home behind and start to wonder everywhere in the city. I passed some famous milestones of Jaunpur city, named Royal bridge, Royal Fort, and Atala Mosque etc. These old monuments were built in the time of Mughals, by the Tughalaq dynasty, and are still there, flaunting over it's glorious history. There was a time when the city of Jaunpur was called as 'Shiraj-e-Hind' but the time has changed now and it is now a small district.It has a glorious history and famous for it's culture even today. 
But I have no business with it's culture or history, I have a diffrent reason to visit these places at this time in city. I am fond of hunting the spirits, wondering uselessly in the city. And I become disapointed every day and have to return my home with empty handed late in night. Hunting for spirits seems very challenging job to me and I have developed a habit for this job because it gives me pleasure. I have written a few lines on my wondering in the city.

      

As the night falls, I wonder in the streets;

Nobody appears there, except only some beasts;

I see the closed shops, I see the night bulbs;

shining alone in the darkness, like a moon in desert.

I measure some more miles and reached at crossing;

It, too, is deserted, with no people visible on sight;
I hunt for spirits at this time in city;

and wish to be immortal, like the wondering spirits.

Many says, 'Spirits wonder in the night.'

and I try to search for them without having light;

But I don't find anyone of them here and there;

perhaps, they live somewhere else with pleasure.

There is the silence, everywhere on my way;

but I listen the sound of silence with fray;

I followed my shadow, and reached 'Royal bridge'; 

built a centuries ago, over the river 'Gomati'.

I stand over the bridge, and watched the flowing river;

I glance the moon reflection, on the clear water;

The illusion fasten me, over the edge of the bridge;

There is only me, with no one at least.

I leave the bridge behind and stroll ahead;

'The Royal Fort' appears, built a centuries back;

It is still there, flaunting over it's history;

and seems very bright, while ruining presently.

There was a time, when Mughals inhabited the fort;

Now, with no living creature inside it's mansion;

I was sure to find there some wondering souls;

but I find their offspring occupied the place as a whole.

I wonder some more distance and reach 'Atala Mosque';

The home of Allah, the place of only one God;

I see the muslim priest called Imam and their followers;

No spirit would like to occupy a divine place ever.

"Am I the only wondering spirit in the city?"

thinking over the question while measuring the city;

I return my home in broken and tired ways;

to take a nap, and hunt them again in upcoming days.
                                                                                                            Jitendra Gupta

Have you seen the wind;;

I was sitting on the roof of my home and enjoying the warmness of the sun rays. Sometimes in my loneliness, I start talking with the sun or with the birds or anything else except any person, so that I can beat my emptiness. And it gives me more pleasure than doing anything else. It seems ridiculous to many persons but it's true. Moreover I have developed a habit of talking with myself and for this reason I don't need anybody's company to spend my time. And today I was talking with the wind. 

"What are you doing here?" asked my elder brother who has also come on the roof for the same reason recently.

"I am talking with the wind." I answered with innocence.

He burst in to laughter and said "Have you gone mad?"

I started thinking over this question and got the answer, "Perhaps yes;; I have gone mad." and then resume my conversation with wind. 
I have written few lines over this situation-

"The sun is shining in the blue sky;

In the warm afternoon of winter season.

Somebody is ringing the bell and praying to God;

In the temple, in the middle of garden of trees and grass."

"The cool wind is blowing, while touching slowly my body;

It will go to very strange and faraway places;

of which nobody knows it, even today, like the birds,

like the ocean, without taking anybody's permission."

"No one has seen the wind except aware of its existence,

when the leaves of trees starts moving, while hanging over it's branches;

"It is the wind, which is blowing." everyone of us say,

But no one says "The wind is not there." while the leaves remain stay."

                                                                                    Jitendra Gupta

Are You there..?

I remember, in my childhood days; my grandmother used to tell me to go to temple and worship the God. There is a beautiful and magnificent temple of God Hanuman Ji in the backyard of our home. The temple was built by my late grandfather and it is still there even today reminding us of him. We used to go to temple and worship Him every evening after returning from our school. It was a good habit inculcated in our soul by our grandparents, but gradually I lost my faith in Him due to some circumstances and started to believe in atheism. Now I am a atheist but I have respect in my heart for those who are theist, because being a religious person makes you an honest and good person. I have written few lines over my this experience and hope you will like this-

  

I Knew; You were there; often I saw You shouting on others.

I called You many a times; irrespective of space and place.

'You were listening to me.' it was known to me very well.

But no response from your side made me surprise like a hell.

Little things happened in life, when You and me were together.

But time has changed and I negotiate your existence.

'Come here, in front of me'; to prove You are there.

Otherwise I'll exclaim 'You are nowhere;' 'You are nowhere.'

Many says 'It's all your creation' when I see the nature.

I glance the Sun, stare the moon and enjoy the rainy season.

The whole universe makes me feel like a small tiny creature.

And I still don't know 'What am I doing?' in your age old feature.

It's nice many worship You and down their head.

'Is it makes You feel pleasure, when You give us the pain?'

They says 'You are the one;' 'You are the only one.'

But I says, 'You are none;' and will not waste my time in vain.  

                                                                                                                              Jitendra Gupta