Mission I-M-Possible.....

The result of UPPSC preliminary test 2016 is announced, and I have managed to secure 149 marks out of 200 marks, while the cutoff was only 141 marks. Although so many aspirants are discussing about the cutoff, which is according to them is very high, yet  I was not thinking the paper was hard, that is why I have secured more enough than cutoff. Maybe this is the love, I have for 'General Studies' subject. I have developed a liking in me for these humanities subject like History, Geography, Polity, Economy, Agriculture, National and International Issues etc.

I really feel sad why not I came into contact with these subjects earlier in my life. If I would not have to appear for civil services examination, I might not be studying these subjects. Maybe it was the fault of those humanities teachers. They failed to make me curious about these humanities subjects while I was pretty much curious about Science and Mathematics subjects, because I have got a good teacher in my village.

Earlier I was thinking to appear again for mains exam this year. There is only one higher post of SDM  (Sub Divisional Magistrate or Deputy Collector), left above than mine post of ACCT for which I got selected in 2015. I can write UPPSC 2016 mains exam again this year to become SDM. But at the same time, I wish to appear for UPSC exam too, because my ultimate objective is to become IAS. While the syllabus of both the exams are approximately same, yet the questionnaire approach is different. UPPSC focuses on straight questions for which your memory should be strong with a little bit of analytical capability. You have to memorise a lot of facts and figures to clear this exam. While UPSC focuses on memory as well as analytical skills with equal ratio. Your conceptual knowledge would be more useful in UPSC.

No doubt the exam of UPSC is considered one of toughest exam in India. Many aspirants could not clear this exam even after appearing again and again, but there are many who clear it in first attempt. Topper of this year UPSC exam is Miss Tina Dabi, a SC category student, who has managed to clear this exam in her first attempt. While the topper of last year UPSC exam was Miss Ira Singhal, a differently abled category student. All of them have done years of hard work to become overnight sensation. So when they can do it, why not me? I know the path to UPSC is very difficult, but don't forget! it leads to a beautiful destination too. 

Sometimes I doubt over my calibre. "Would I be able to clear this exam?" Then I remember a statement by Mahatma Gandhi, "If you have the belief that you can do it, you will surely acquire the capacity to do it, even if you may not have it in the beginning." So dream of UPSC is very big but remember, "No dream is too big".

Sometimes I think, how would I be able to do it? I have no one to guide me for preparing for UPSC, but then I remember, "If you have light in your heart, you will find your way." So instead of thinking about "I can't!" and "I wish!", I should think and focus on "I can!" and "I will!".

Some subjects, for example Optional Geography subject, seems to me really tough, even after clearing UPPSC 2015 exam with the same subject and scoring 276 in total 400 marks. But at the same time, when I revise it step by step, it become easy. It is really true, "When the going gets tough, the tough get going."

Although I have cleared UPPSC exam, yet I feel nervous to appear in the same exam this year, as if I am going to appear in it for the first time. I know, I have come this far to not only come this far. There is a long way for me to go. PCS was just a goal, IAS is the mission.

Although uncertainty would be there, either I would be selected or rejected and I am little bit of frightened too, yet sometimes you have to stopped being scared and just go for it. Either it will work out, or it would not. That is life. There is always ups and down in it.

Many times my past haunts me. I consider my past as a failure. I started from zero in this field and I am a step below to become hero. Meanwhile I was motivated from following lines by Mr Rachit Raj (IAS)...

"In life sometimes you need to close the chapter and move onto the next. Might be the chapter would be quite interesting and comfortable, but still new interesting chapters are waiting way forward. So have that courage to move forward and close the earlier chapter.

You don't know that if you stick to the earlier one's you might not know what hidden things are kept for you. So don't loose your patience and temper. Keep yourself calm and composed and don't repent on your decision. 

If you have decided to move forward, then repent on your past and decision, instead try to acknowledge present and try to make your future more bright."

Jitendra Gupta

Some more Honors..

Sharing some more pictures while being honored at Chemist and Druggist Welfare Association, Jaunpur, and at a village function. Frankly speaking, I really got fed up with these Honoring ceremonies. It is very unusual experience because I am not accustomed to this overwhelming respect. There is a shayari, I would like to share here, relevant on this situation....

"फिर कोई दर्द मिलेगा, तैयार रह ऐ दिल;

कुछ लोग पेश आ रहे बडे प्यार से!"

Sometimes, I think, "What have I achieved?"

"Nothing!", replied my consciousness, "You have just passed an exam, called UPPCS 2015, and got selected as Assistant commissioner Commercial Tax. Apart from this, your achievement is zero! Your contribution in society is zero!" Here is one more shayari on what I am thinking....

"अंधेरों को तो ये भी खल रहा है 

दिया मेरा हवा में जल रहा है

तुम्हारे काम इतने तो नहीं हैं 

तुम्हारा नाम जितना चल रहा है"

Delivering Speech at CDWFA, Jaunpur

With Bureau Chief, Dainik Jagran Newspaper

Memento

With head of CDWFA, Jaunpur

At a function in my village

Memento

My Brothers

B for 'Beauty', C for 'Caste'...

I was chatting with one of my fast friend of graduation days and discussing about my marriage. My friend is currently working as assistant professor in a private College. Several persons approached us for their girls for fixing marriage with me. I was discussing with him that I was finding it difficult to search a suitable girl so that I could marry her. I told him that I have not purchased even a single cloth for myself throughout my life because I don't know how to opt a cloth? I don't know what to look in any object so that I develop a liking for that. Likewise, when my family member asked me to choose any girl from the various photographs scattered against me, I become confused. There are so many girls, of every pattern, from various educational background. I became confused because I have never looked at girls from that point of view.

My friend asked me, "What type of girl, you are searching for, dear?"
"A simple, beautiful, educated and well mannered girl" I replied.
"Such girls are very difficult to find, nowadays, yaar!", he was saying, "In addition to this, you belong to such a backward cast of Teli community, where I have not seen a single beautiful girls till today."
I was rather feel offended not because he was calling me from my cast name, but he was stereotyping my cast community. Same time, I realized that he belongs to upper caste Hindu community. I told him that caste has nothing to do with the beauty, (Actually this thought is told me by one of my friend), it is a god gift, but he was indifferent to my logic. Rather he said, "Beautiful girls are not born in Teli community, all I have seen, are only the ugly faces." He, then send me the picture of his wife and sister in law to prove his statement. His wife and sister in law was actually beautiful.

In my graduation days, he used to call me from my community name, for example, 'Teli Bhai'! or 'Telia' etc. I never minded his words. But for the first time, I feel like he was abusing me and my community. In fact he was abusing my DNA, I realised.
I stopped discussing with him on this matter. His statement was ringing in my ear even today. Is it really true? Does beauty has any connection with caste? May be yes....or may be not. Who knows???
But one thing was clear from that conversation. Caste system is a truth in India despite all the immorality in it. Just imagine, a highly educated person like him, who is working as an assistant professor in a College, still believes in thousand year old caste system. Either the Genes of this caste system has entered in his DNA, and that is why he believes in caste, or that Genes has entered in my DNA, and that is why my community have become ugly.

I looked myself in mirror and asked, "Am I really looking ugly"?
I asked one of my friends too, whether I am really looking ugly?
"No!!" replied my consciousness, "Not at all!!" replied my friend.
I even compared myself with him (in fact a lower caste hindu was comparing himself with upper caste hindu). I was rather superior to him in academic records as well as professional post. I concluded, "At Least caste has nothing to do with intelligence."
I was upset for some days because of his comments and was searching for inspiration to soothe my soul. I found some poems, written by Mr. Harivansh Rai Bacchan, very much motivating in this situation of mine.

And there is a shayari too, which I would like to share here. I don't know, who has written these lines, but it is pretty much relevant on my friend and this thoughts......

"आदतें उसकी थी बस मुझे जलाने वाली 

बात की हंस के मगर दिल को दुखाने वाली 

आजकल वो मुझे कुछ बदला हुआ लगता है 

हो गयीं उसकी निगाहें भी ज़माने वाली 

हमने इख्लास का दामन नही छोड़ा अब तक 

हाय उसकी तो मोहब्बत है रुलाने वाली 

मैने समझा था गुज़र जाएगा मौसम लेकिन

रुत-ए-बरसात भी निकली तो सताने वाली 

तुम्हारे वास्ते अब कोई नही है वसी

खुद से बातें ना करो दिल को बहलाने वाली"

Jitendra Gupta

One Goal Accomplished; But Mission Continues....

My Father wants me to become an IAS. Although he is pleased from my success in state civil services examination but, I think, he is not fully satisfied with me. His expectations are soaring high and the onus have now come on me. So in other words, I have achieved a goal but my mission continues.
I am now 30 years old, approximately lived half of my life. I have no experience in those adventures which any teenagers commonly have in their teenage, now a days. Earlier I have postponed my marriage because of this civils preparation in 2013. But now, I am thinking of getting married first and after that continue my preparation for UPSC. That is why, I am looking for a suitable girl, these days, to marry. A girl, which can match with my expectations. But I think, searching for a suitable girl, is more tedious and cumbersome process than preparing for civil services exam and getting selected in it. I don't know how to search for girls for marrying so I have given this duty to my father and grandmother (although I am involved in this process too). I am pretty sure they would search a suitable girl for me.
At this stage of my life, I am thinking of a very serious question.....
Would I be able to perform well in this job? 
For whom I am aspiring to be successful in this field? Is it me or my father or just for mere showing to our society that I am a bureaucrat?
Meanwhile, I came across some thoughtful lines over my dilemma...

"सफलता अपने लिए या लोगों को दिखाने के लिए ! असफलता से खुद प्रभावित या इस चिंता से प्रभावित कि लोग क्या कहेंगे ? एक तरह की कश्मकश में इस तरह उलझ गए हैं कि जीवन का सार एक परीक्षा तक समेट दिया। पता नहीं कि ये परिणाम का असर है या स्वतः विकसित सोच  का , कि जीवन का मूल्याङ्कन केवल परीक्षा में सफलता पाने से ही हो पायेगा या जीवन को इससे आगे और बढ़ के भी देखना शुरू किया जाए, अपने बारे में निर्णय खुद को केंद्र में रख कर लिए जाएँ या लोगों की सोच व् दृष्टि को स्थान दिया जाए , खुश होने के लिए एक बहाने तक सीमित हों या हर छोटी सी चीज़ में खुश होने का अवसर ढूंढा जाए l अभी तक का अनुभव एक सही और सटीक राह पर ले जाएगा ऐसा विश्वास है l"

Jitendra Gupta