A tale of two girls...

Finally I have decided to marry with any girl in my own caste. Inter caste marriage would proved to be a disaster for me, and I am in mood to ruin my life. I have seen several girls on various matrimonial sites, in our society, their photographs, bio data and all that, but shortlisted only two girls, both of them belongs to my caste. Both of them are cute and charming, irrespective of there optant, because one of them was liked by me while other, by my family. Indian marriages are not as simple to fix as seen from above. As the renowned Indian author Mr. Chetan Bhagat, in his novel, '2 States' (which I have read when I was doing my post graduate studies), have described about Indian marriages as...  

"Love marriages around the world are simple: Boy loves girl. Girl loves boy. They get married. In India, there are a few more steps: Boy loves Girl. Girl loves Boy. Girl’s family has to love boy. Boy’s family has to love girl. Girl’s Family has to love Boy’s Family. Boy’s family has to love girl’s family. Girl and Boy still love each other. They get married."

Although I am not talking about love marriage here, but above lines are very much true for arranged marriage too. Just replace the word 'love marriage' with 'arranged marriage' and word 'loves' to 'likes', and the above lines would became like this...

"Arranged marriages around the world are simple: Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy. They get married. In India, there are a few more steps: Boy likes Girl. Girl likes Boy. Girl’s family has to like boy. Boy’s family has to like girl. Girl’s Family has to like Boy’s Family. Boy’s family has to like girl’s family. Girl and Boy still like each other. They get married."

You might be wondering, 'So what is the problem?' OK! I am trying to explain. On the one hand, There is a girl opted by my parents. That girl, her nature, her family, her family's status in society, her physical beauty each and everything were considered a suitable match for me by my parents and many in my family. The girl's family have visited numerous times to my home and are very much interested in me because I am a PCS officer with blue beacon on my four wheeler. But I am rather skeptical about that girl despite all the praising about her by my family members. The girl is more simplistic, less fashionable and serious in nature. (Such persons are called mediocre.) Interestingly, these traits are mine too. I am also simplistic, less fashionable and serious in nature. (So I am a mediocre too.) I dislike mediocre, so I dislike myself too. Perhaps, this is the reason, I don't feel any type of attraction towards her despite meeting her for once. And she remained a stranger for me. I could not imagine her as my future wife. Apart from that, I have no reason to say no to them.

On the other hand, there is another girl. The girl is the daughter of one of my maternal uncles  in a distant relationship. I like this girl the most. I like her physical beauty but unaware of her nature as I have chatted with her only once. She is very attractive, very fashionable and a talkative girl. I am deficient in these elements, that is why I like these traits. You can say, I am being hypnotized towards her beauty that I can imagine her as my future wife. Although I know that physical beauty is not eternal, it would last in few years and it is the nature and soul of that person living in that physical body, which is eternal, yet I am unable to convince my heart. My family members already knew about her family and their history. There was once a property dispute at her home, and my father had helped her father. To which her father is indebted to our family even today although there was a dispute relating to money between my father and her father and her father had complained about this in our society. My father had to face defamation. He was branded as a greedy person despite his one sided support towards her father. I think this is the sole problem, that is why my family members are skeptical towards her family. My maternal uncle, too, have visited my home many times and are very much interested for the same reason (PCS). I came to know about that girls only a few days ago. They have contacted us for marriage only after my PCS result was announced. Before that I was unaware about her. (I don't know what they were thinking of me before my result? Why they have not contacted my father for this?) My grandmother told her family that I would be her brother in our relations so this marriage is not possible. 'What would the people and our society say?' Such types of relations are possible only in muslim community and not in hindus.

So what should I do now? Although I like that girl (of my maternal side), but my parents don't agree. And I don't like that girl on which my parents are agree. I have tried to convince my parents but failed. Contraty to this, they start moulding me in to their thoughts. You can say, It is easy for me to fight and rebel from my own family, but it is much harder to convince them. 

Jitendra Gupta

Riddle...

Yesterday, I met her after a long time. She was my batch mate in teaching course time and currently preparing for civil services exam. She was asking me for party for my selection in civil services exam. So I invited her in a restaurant. After enjoying party, I along with her, went to a nearby park. There were so many couples in that park, and all of them were loving each other. So it was a kind of lover's park. She was looking very cute and charming. Together we spent two to three hours at that place. We were talking about our friendship, career, future, marriage and many more things. That was really a memorable time. I was lost in conversation with her, that I forgot I was sitting in any park. I have always have a feeling of affection since day one of the teaching course, but unfortunately, I never crimp enough courage to share my feeling with her. Meanwhile, one of my close friend proposed her and she became girlfriend of my friend. In spite of this, I always maintained my friendship with her. I always thought that I am not deserving her. But, yesterday, when I shared my feeling and told her that I felt affectionated since the commencement of our teaching course, she seemed not surprised. Rather her feeling was like mine, she told me. It seemed to me as time stopped at that place and we were back in to the past when we were together at that time. I was trapped in a nostalgia and for the first time I wished to have her. She was trying to hold my hand. The feeling related to innocent touch of her hand is fresh in my heart even at this time.
She has become a riddle for me. Nothing would be wrong if I continue my friendship with her, but if I take the forward step and asked her to move ahead in our relationship, it would cost very dear to me. Most probably I would lost my close friend (who is currently her boyfriend). My family would end up all relations with me. I would become enemy for her family as our caste is different. Her family would never accept me as I am from lower caste and she would not be accepted in my family as she belongs to upper caste. May be they would murder us as it would be an inter caste marriage and our orthodox society would never accept it. May be they would socially boycott me and my family and my family would become scapegoat for this caste related hatred. This would be the trailer of that horrible film for which I would try to write script if I would take forward step in relation with her. Am I have enough courage to face such atrocities? Perhaps not!!
It was getting evening. I said goodbye to her. All the couples were still busy in loving at that park. I went to bus stand and took my bus to home. I was thinking about her throughout my ride. But when I reached my home, there was another story remaining to be unfold. It was related to my marriage, an arranged marriage.
Marriage has become a riddle, too, which I am feeling unable to decode. Father has done his duty and searched a girl for me. What should I do now? Should I marry with her or not? Although I have met her for once, but even after that she seems stranger to me. I don't feel any type of attraction towards her. Should I marry any stranger, whom I don't know well? I have never defied my father. He told me to do graduation in pharmacy, I did. He told me to do business after under graduation and post graduation, I did. He told me to do teacher training course, I did. He told me to prepare for civil services exam, I did. Now he is telling me to marry a girl of his choice. As you can see, It is the life which I am not living on my own terms and conditions, my life is defined by my father. I have never find any chance in my 30 years of life, to develop my personal likes and dislikes. That is why I, myself, have told him that I am unable to search any girl, as I am inexperienced. I don't know how to opt a girl for marriage, so it would be better, if you do this job. 

You might have seen so many smiling faces of brides and grooms on their wedding day. I wonder, what makes them to smile. Is it a suitable life partner of their choice? Is it the beginning of a so called new life? Is it sex? What is that, that makes them smile? 

I think I have developed a tendency to convert simple things in life in to complicated one. I have done these things earlier and I am doing this again and again. There are so many persons in our society, who are happily married and living a good life. Why this always happens to me? Why do I makes life complicated? 

One the one hand, there is the girlfriend of my friend. I and she, both are having a feeling of affection for each other and very curious to go ahead on that path which is full of difficulties. If I opt this option, it would be a love marriage. But if I follow the path shown to me by my father (of arranged marriage), the life would be much easier and full of respect, which the society would bestow on us. I have make things complicated. Now I myself have to solve this riddle but I don't know how??....

Jitendra Gupta

Illusion...

There is no scope of adding the word 'Probably' in it. I remember it clearly, I have never seen him being hospitalized like this for last 28 years of my life. While I have been hospitalized on several occasions in this short span of my life.
He was lying on the bed in front of me, but he was not feeling sleepy. Rather he was yawning. 'Such things are common in hospitals', I thought. I have gone there just in the morning while my brothers were with them in hospital room throughout night. But now, only I was there with him in the hospital room. Amma, too, had gone. One hour had passed since I went there, and we were not feeling like talking to each other. Just then the sound of a type of prayer entered in the room...
'Itani shakti hame de na data! man ka vishwas kamjor ho na!'
"Same prayer use to be use at several other college, Isn't it Annu!", Father was asking me, and before I replied, he himself said, "I have listened the same prayer at many places."
There was a Nursing College attached just beside the hospital in which we were staying. Morning prayer was being organised in the college and its sound was coming to us.
"Yes! it is the "

Mission I-M-Possible.....

The result of UPPSC preliminary test 2016 is announced, and I have managed to secure 149 marks out of 200 marks, while the cutoff was only 141 marks. Although so many aspirants are discussing about the cutoff, which is according to them is very high, yet  I was not thinking the paper was hard, that is why I have secured more enough than cutoff. Maybe this is the love, I have for 'General Studies' subject. I have developed a liking in me for these humanities subject like History, Geography, Polity, Economy, Agriculture, National and International Issues etc.

I really feel sad why not I came into contact with these subjects earlier in my life. If I would not have to appear for civil services examination, I might not be studying these subjects. Maybe it was the fault of those humanities teachers. They failed to make me curious about these humanities subjects while I was pretty much curious about Science and Mathematics subjects, because I have got a good teacher in my village.

Earlier I was thinking to appear again for mains exam this year. There is only one higher post of SDM  (Sub Divisional Magistrate or Deputy Collector), left above than mine post of ACCT for which I got selected in 2015. I can write UPPSC 2016 mains exam again this year to become SDM. But at the same time, I wish to appear for UPSC exam too, because my ultimate objective is to become IAS. While the syllabus of both the exams are approximately same, yet the questionnaire approach is different. UPPSC focuses on straight questions for which your memory should be strong with a little bit of analytical capability. You have to memorise a lot of facts and figures to clear this exam. While UPSC focuses on memory as well as analytical skills with equal ratio. Your conceptual knowledge would be more useful in UPSC.

No doubt the exam of UPSC is considered one of toughest exam in India. Many aspirants could not clear this exam even after appearing again and again, but there are many who clear it in first attempt. Topper of this year UPSC exam is Miss Tina Dabi, a SC category student, who has managed to clear this exam in her first attempt. While the topper of last year UPSC exam was Miss Ira Singhal, a differently abled category student. All of them have done years of hard work to become overnight sensation. So when they can do it, why not me? I know the path to UPSC is very difficult, but don't forget! it leads to a beautiful destination too. 

Sometimes I doubt over my calibre. "Would I be able to clear this exam?" Then I remember a statement by Mahatma Gandhi, "If you have the belief that you can do it, you will surely acquire the capacity to do it, even if you may not have it in the beginning." So dream of UPSC is very big but remember, "No dream is too big".

Sometimes I think, how would I be able to do it? I have no one to guide me for preparing for UPSC, but then I remember, "If you have light in your heart, you will find your way." So instead of thinking about "I can't!" and "I wish!", I should think and focus on "I can!" and "I will!".

Some subjects, for example Optional Geography subject, seems to me really tough, even after clearing UPPSC 2015 exam with the same subject and scoring 276 in total 400 marks. But at the same time, when I revise it step by step, it become easy. It is really true, "When the going gets tough, the tough get going."

Although I have cleared UPPSC exam, yet I feel nervous to appear in the same exam this year, as if I am going to appear in it for the first time. I know, I have come this far to not only come this far. There is a long way for me to go. PCS was just a goal, IAS is the mission.

Although uncertainty would be there, either I would be selected or rejected and I am little bit of frightened too, yet sometimes you have to stopped being scared and just go for it. Either it will work out, or it would not. That is life. There is always ups and down in it.

Many times my past haunts me. I consider my past as a failure. I started from zero in this field and I am a step below to become hero. Meanwhile I was motivated from following lines by Mr Rachit Raj (IAS)...

"In life sometimes you need to close the chapter and move onto the next. Might be the chapter would be quite interesting and comfortable, but still new interesting chapters are waiting way forward. So have that courage to move forward and close the earlier chapter.

You don't know that if you stick to the earlier one's you might not know what hidden things are kept for you. So don't loose your patience and temper. Keep yourself calm and composed and don't repent on your decision. 

If you have decided to move forward, then repent on your past and decision, instead try to acknowledge present and try to make your future more bright."

Jitendra Gupta

Some more Honors..

Sharing some more pictures while being honored at Chemist and Druggist Welfare Association, Jaunpur, and at a village function. Frankly speaking, I really got fed up with these Honoring ceremonies. It is very unusual experience because I am not accustomed to this overwhelming respect. There is a shayari, I would like to share here, relevant on this situation....

"फिर कोई दर्द मिलेगा, तैयार रह ऐ दिल;

कुछ लोग पेश आ रहे बडे प्यार से!"

Sometimes, I think, "What have I achieved?"

"Nothing!", replied my consciousness, "You have just passed an exam, called UPPCS 2015, and got selected as Assistant commissioner Commercial Tax. Apart from this, your achievement is zero! Your contribution in society is zero!" Here is one more shayari on what I am thinking....

"अंधेरों को तो ये भी खल रहा है 

दिया मेरा हवा में जल रहा है

तुम्हारे काम इतने तो नहीं हैं 

तुम्हारा नाम जितना चल रहा है"

Delivering Speech at CDWFA, Jaunpur

With Bureau Chief, Dainik Jagran Newspaper

Memento

With head of CDWFA, Jaunpur

At a function in my village

Memento

My Brothers

B for 'Beauty', C for 'Caste'...

I was chatting with one of my fast friend of graduation days and discussing about my marriage. My friend is currently working as assistant professor in a private College. Several persons approached us for their girls for fixing marriage with me. I was discussing with him that I was finding it difficult to search a suitable girl so that I could marry her. I told him that I have not purchased even a single cloth for myself throughout my life because I don't know how to opt a cloth? I don't know what to look in any object so that I develop a liking for that. Likewise, when my family member asked me to choose any girl from the various photographs scattered against me, I become confused. There are so many girls, of every pattern, from various educational background. I became confused because I have never looked at girls from that point of view.

My friend asked me, "What type of girl, you are searching for, dear?"
"A simple, beautiful, educated and well mannered girl" I replied.
"Such girls are very difficult to find, nowadays, yaar!", he was saying, "In addition to this, you belong to such a backward cast of Teli community, where I have not seen a single beautiful girls till today."
I was rather feel offended not because he was calling me from my cast name, but he was stereotyping my cast community. Same time, I realized that he belongs to upper caste Hindu community. I told him that caste has nothing to do with the beauty, (Actually this thought is told me by one of my friend), it is a god gift, but he was indifferent to my logic. Rather he said, "Beautiful girls are not born in Teli community, all I have seen, are only the ugly faces." He, then send me the picture of his wife and sister in law to prove his statement. His wife and sister in law was actually beautiful.

In my graduation days, he used to call me from my community name, for example, 'Teli Bhai'! or 'Telia' etc. I never minded his words. But for the first time, I feel like he was abusing me and my community. In fact he was abusing my DNA, I realised.
I stopped discussing with him on this matter. His statement was ringing in my ear even today. Is it really true? Does beauty has any connection with caste? May be yes....or may be not. Who knows???
But one thing was clear from that conversation. Caste system is a truth in India despite all the immorality in it. Just imagine, a highly educated person like him, who is working as an assistant professor in a College, still believes in thousand year old caste system. Either the Genes of this caste system has entered in his DNA, and that is why he believes in caste, or that Genes has entered in my DNA, and that is why my community have become ugly.

I looked myself in mirror and asked, "Am I really looking ugly"?
I asked one of my friends too, whether I am really looking ugly?
"No!!" replied my consciousness, "Not at all!!" replied my friend.
I even compared myself with him (in fact a lower caste hindu was comparing himself with upper caste hindu). I was rather superior to him in academic records as well as professional post. I concluded, "At Least caste has nothing to do with intelligence."
I was upset for some days because of his comments and was searching for inspiration to soothe my soul. I found some poems, written by Mr. Harivansh Rai Bacchan, very much motivating in this situation of mine.

And there is a shayari too, which I would like to share here. I don't know, who has written these lines, but it is pretty much relevant on my friend and this thoughts......

"आदतें उसकी थी बस मुझे जलाने वाली 

बात की हंस के मगर दिल को दुखाने वाली 

आजकल वो मुझे कुछ बदला हुआ लगता है 

हो गयीं उसकी निगाहें भी ज़माने वाली 

हमने इख्लास का दामन नही छोड़ा अब तक 

हाय उसकी तो मोहब्बत है रुलाने वाली 

मैने समझा था गुज़र जाएगा मौसम लेकिन

रुत-ए-बरसात भी निकली तो सताने वाली 

तुम्हारे वास्ते अब कोई नही है वसी

खुद से बातें ना करो दिल को बहलाने वाली"

Jitendra Gupta

One Goal Accomplished; But Mission Continues....

My Father wants me to become an IAS. Although he is pleased from my success in state civil services examination but, I think, he is not fully satisfied with me. His expectations are soaring high and the onus have now come on me. So in other words, I have achieved a goal but my mission continues.
I am now 30 years old, approximately lived half of my life. I have no experience in those adventures which any teenagers commonly have in their teenage, now a days. Earlier I have postponed my marriage because of this civils preparation in 2013. But now, I am thinking of getting married first and after that continue my preparation for UPSC. That is why, I am looking for a suitable girl, these days, to marry. A girl, which can match with my expectations. But I think, searching for a suitable girl, is more tedious and cumbersome process than preparing for civil services exam and getting selected in it. I don't know how to search for girls for marrying so I have given this duty to my father and grandmother (although I am involved in this process too). I am pretty sure they would search a suitable girl for me.
At this stage of my life, I am thinking of a very serious question.....
Would I be able to perform well in this job? 
For whom I am aspiring to be successful in this field? Is it me or my father or just for mere showing to our society that I am a bureaucrat?
Meanwhile, I came across some thoughtful lines over my dilemma...

"सफलता अपने लिए या लोगों को दिखाने के लिए ! असफलता से खुद प्रभावित या इस चिंता से प्रभावित कि लोग क्या कहेंगे ? एक तरह की कश्मकश में इस तरह उलझ गए हैं कि जीवन का सार एक परीक्षा तक समेट दिया। पता नहीं कि ये परिणाम का असर है या स्वतः विकसित सोच  का , कि जीवन का मूल्याङ्कन केवल परीक्षा में सफलता पाने से ही हो पायेगा या जीवन को इससे आगे और बढ़ के भी देखना शुरू किया जाए, अपने बारे में निर्णय खुद को केंद्र में रख कर लिए जाएँ या लोगों की सोच व् दृष्टि को स्थान दिया जाए , खुश होने के लिए एक बहाने तक सीमित हों या हर छोटी सी चीज़ में खुश होने का अवसर ढूंढा जाए l अभी तक का अनुभव एक सही और सटीक राह पर ले जाएगा ऐसा विश्वास है l"

Jitendra Gupta