Yesterday, I met her after a long time. She was my batch mate in teaching course time and currently preparing for civil services exam. She was asking me for party for my selection in civil services exam. So I invited her in a restaurant. After enjoying party, I along with her, went to a nearby park. There were so many couples in that park, and all of them were loving each other. So it was a kind of lover's park. She was looking very cute and charming. Together we spent two to three hours at that place. We were talking about our friendship, career, future, marriage and many more things. That was really a memorable time. I was lost in conversation with her, that I forgot I was sitting in any park. I have always have a feeling of affection since day one of the teaching course, but unfortunately, I never crimp enough courage to share my feeling with her. Meanwhile, one of my close friend proposed her and she became girlfriend of my friend. In spite of this, I always maintained my friendship with her. I always thought that I am not deserving her. But, yesterday, when I shared my feeling and told her that I felt affectionated since the commencement of our teaching course, she seemed not surprised. Rather her feeling was like mine, she told me. It seemed to me as time stopped at that place and we were back in to the past when we were together at that time. I was trapped in a nostalgia and for the first time I wished to have her. She was trying to hold my hand. The feeling related to innocent touch of her hand is fresh in my heart even at this time.
She has become a riddle for me. Nothing would be wrong if I continue my friendship with her, but if I take the forward step and asked her to move ahead in our relationship, it would cost very dear to me. Most probably I would lost my close friend (who is currently her boyfriend). My family would end up all relations with me. I would become enemy for her family as our caste is different. Her family would never accept me as I am from lower caste and she would not be accepted in my family as she belongs to upper caste. May be they would murder us as it would be an inter caste marriage and our orthodox society would never accept it. May be they would socially boycott me and my family and my family would become scapegoat for this caste related hatred. This would be the trailer of that horrible film for which I would try to write script if I would take forward step in relation with her. Am I have enough courage to face such atrocities? Perhaps not!!
It was getting evening. I said goodbye to her. All the couples were still busy in loving at that park. I went to bus stand and took my bus to home. I was thinking about her throughout my ride. But when I reached my home, there was another story remaining to be unfold. It was related to my marriage, an arranged marriage.
Marriage has become a riddle, too, which I am feeling unable to decode. Father has done his duty and searched a girl for me. What should I do now? Should I marry with her or not? Although I have met her for once, but even after that she seems stranger to me. I don't feel any type of attraction towards her. Should I marry any stranger, whom I don't know well? I have never defied my father. He told me to do graduation in pharmacy, I did. He told me to do business after under graduation and post graduation, I did. He told me to do teacher training course, I did. He told me to prepare for civil services exam, I did. Now he is telling me to marry a girl of his choice. As you can see, It is the life which I am not living on my own terms and conditions, my life is defined by my father. I have never find any chance in my 30 years of life, to develop my personal likes and dislikes. That is why I, myself, have told him that I am unable to search any girl, as I am inexperienced. I don't know how to opt a girl for marriage, so it would be better, if you do this job.
She has become a riddle for me. Nothing would be wrong if I continue my friendship with her, but if I take the forward step and asked her to move ahead in our relationship, it would cost very dear to me. Most probably I would lost my close friend (who is currently her boyfriend). My family would end up all relations with me. I would become enemy for her family as our caste is different. Her family would never accept me as I am from lower caste and she would not be accepted in my family as she belongs to upper caste. May be they would murder us as it would be an inter caste marriage and our orthodox society would never accept it. May be they would socially boycott me and my family and my family would become scapegoat for this caste related hatred. This would be the trailer of that horrible film for which I would try to write script if I would take forward step in relation with her. Am I have enough courage to face such atrocities? Perhaps not!!
It was getting evening. I said goodbye to her. All the couples were still busy in loving at that park. I went to bus stand and took my bus to home. I was thinking about her throughout my ride. But when I reached my home, there was another story remaining to be unfold. It was related to my marriage, an arranged marriage.
Marriage has become a riddle, too, which I am feeling unable to decode. Father has done his duty and searched a girl for me. What should I do now? Should I marry with her or not? Although I have met her for once, but even after that she seems stranger to me. I don't feel any type of attraction towards her. Should I marry any stranger, whom I don't know well? I have never defied my father. He told me to do graduation in pharmacy, I did. He told me to do business after under graduation and post graduation, I did. He told me to do teacher training course, I did. He told me to prepare for civil services exam, I did. Now he is telling me to marry a girl of his choice. As you can see, It is the life which I am not living on my own terms and conditions, my life is defined by my father. I have never find any chance in my 30 years of life, to develop my personal likes and dislikes. That is why I, myself, have told him that I am unable to search any girl, as I am inexperienced. I don't know how to opt a girl for marriage, so it would be better, if you do this job.
You might have seen so many smiling faces of brides and grooms on their wedding day. I wonder, what makes them to smile. Is it a suitable life partner of their choice? Is it the beginning of a so called new life? Is it sex? What is that, that makes them smile?
I think I have developed a tendency to convert simple things in life in to complicated one. I have done these things earlier and I am doing this again and again. There are so many persons in our society, who are happily married and living a good life. Why this always happens to me? Why do I makes life complicated?
One the one hand, there is the girlfriend of my friend. I and she, both are having a feeling of affection for each other and very curious to go ahead on that path which is full of difficulties. If I opt this option, it would be a love marriage. But if I follow the path shown to me by my father (of arranged marriage), the life would be much easier and full of respect, which the society would bestow on us. I have make things complicated. Now I myself have to solve this riddle but I don't know how??....
Jitendra Gupta
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