Finally I have decided to marry with any girl in my own caste. Inter caste marriage would proved to be a disaster for me, and I am in mood to ruin my life. I have seen several girls on various matrimonial sites, in our society, their photographs, bio data and all that, but shortlisted only two girls, both of them belongs to my caste. Both of them are cute and charming, irrespective of there optant, because one of them was liked by me while other, by my family. Indian marriages are not as simple to fix as seen from above. As the renowned Indian author Mr. Chetan Bhagat, in his novel, '2 States' (which I have read when I was doing my post graduate studies), have described about Indian marriages as...
"Love marriages around the world are simple: Boy loves girl. Girl loves boy. They get married. In India, there are a few more steps: Boy loves Girl. Girl loves Boy. Girl’s family has to love boy. Boy’s family has to love girl. Girl’s Family has to love Boy’s Family. Boy’s family has to love girl’s family. Girl and Boy still love each other. They get married."
Although I am not talking about love marriage here, but above lines are very much true for arranged marriage too. Just replace the word 'love marriage' with 'arranged marriage' and word 'loves' to 'likes', and the above lines would became like this...
"Arranged marriages around the world are simple: Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy. They get married. In India, there are a few more steps: Boy likes Girl. Girl likes Boy. Girl’s family has to like boy. Boy’s family has to like girl. Girl’s Family has to like Boy’s Family. Boy’s family has to like girl’s family. Girl and Boy still like each other. They get married."
You might be wondering, 'So what is the problem?' OK! I am trying to explain. On the one hand, There is a girl opted by my parents. That girl, her nature, her family, her family's status in society, her physical beauty each and everything were considered a suitable match for me by my parents and many in my family. The girl's family have visited numerous times to my home and are very much interested in me because I am a PCS officer with blue beacon on my four wheeler. But I am rather skeptical about that girl despite all the praising about her by my family members. The girl is more simplistic, less fashionable and serious in nature. (Such persons are called mediocre.) Interestingly, these traits are mine too. I am also simplistic, less fashionable and serious in nature. (So I am a mediocre too.) I dislike mediocre, so I dislike myself too. Perhaps, this is the reason, I don't feel any type of attraction towards her despite meeting her for once. And she remained a stranger for me. I could not imagine her as my future wife. Apart from that, I have no reason to say no to them.
On the other hand, there is another girl. The girl is the daughter of one of my maternal uncles in a distant relationship. I like this girl the most. I like her physical beauty but unaware of her nature as I have chatted with her only once. She is very attractive, very fashionable and a talkative girl. I am deficient in these elements, that is why I like these traits. You can say, I am being hypnotized towards her beauty that I can imagine her as my future wife. Although I know that physical beauty is not eternal, it would last in few years and it is the nature and soul of that person living in that physical body, which is eternal, yet I am unable to convince my heart. My family members already knew about her family and their history. There was once a property dispute at her home, and my father had helped her father. To which her father is indebted to our family even today although there was a dispute relating to money between my father and her father and her father had complained about this in our society. My father had to face defamation. He was branded as a greedy person despite his one sided support towards her father. I think this is the sole problem, that is why my family members are skeptical towards her family. My maternal uncle, too, have visited my home many times and are very much interested for the same reason (PCS). I came to know about that girls only a few days ago. They have contacted us for marriage only after my PCS result was announced. Before that I was unaware about her. (I don't know what they were thinking of me before my result? Why they have not contacted my father for this?) My grandmother told her family that I would be her brother in our relations so this marriage is not possible. 'What would the people and our society say?' Such types of relations are possible only in muslim community and not in hindus.
So what should I do now? Although I like that girl (of my maternal side), but my parents don't agree. And I don't like that girl on which my parents are agree. I have tried to convince my parents but failed. Contraty to this, they start moulding me in to their thoughts. You can say, It is easy for me to fight and rebel from my own family, but it is much harder to convince them.
Jitendra Gupta
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