Hope?

The result of UPPSC mains exam 2014 brought some disappointment for me. I couldn't qualified the exam and it lowered my enthusiasm towards civil services preparation but I have not lose my hope.

I think, my result brought disappointment for my father more than it was for me. He was expecting some thing more from me and I couldn't succeed to deliver that. I was knowing I would not qualify this exam because my papers have not gone so well. It was my first attempt and I was failed. I have given the exams of UPPSC mains exam 2015 again this year but I don't have any hope from this exam too. 

When I see the smiling faces of aspirants, who succeeded to make their way in these exams, I don't get any motivation from them anymore. I think I am completely fed up with these success stories.

I couldn't understand why the society, the media and family and surrounding persons start categorizing them as hero just by cracking mere an exam? For such persons, those aspirants who failed in these exams are not intelligent. They consider such failed aspirants as burden on the earth, on their family and on their society.  

I don't think I am on the wrong path. I feel I am constantly moving toward my goal. Since last year when I have started preparing for this exam for the first time, a considerable change occurred in me. I have began this preparation from "zero", and I think I am just a step below from becoming "hero" (as this society thinks about successful aspirants). 

But I have decided I wouldn't smile or flaunt on my success as the most aspirants do. I just want to make smile my father for whom I am preparing this exam. I just want to fulfill my Father's wish. And now, it is not a matter of "how" for me, it is a matter of "when".....

Jitendra Gupta