Final Destination..

Within few days; I would be living in Delhi. No; I am not shifting there for living, neither I am going there to make a living, but I am going there for joining a UPSC coaching. Strange na;;; I think it too. I am going to be approximately 28 years old now. And in this age of 28, when most of my friends are earning money, marrying with beautiful girls and settling in their life; I am still reading and setting new goals for my life. I have read somewhere that "You never become too old to set a new goal." I think I am used to it. 

10 years ago, when I had passed my Intermediate education, I had not any plan for my future. My father told me to do 'Bachelor of Pharmacy' (B.Pharm); I have done that. After that I completed 'Master of Pharmacy' (M.Pharm). But reading that much; I didn't felt like I have achieved my goal. I was confused over this matter. I was not knowing 'what should I do after M.Pharm.' I had joined NBRI (National Botanical Research Institute), Lucknow, too because at that time I was dreaming to become a research scientist. But I have to leave that path because my father wants me to become something else.

Then I have applied for basic teaching; and I got selected in that. I completed this too because my father says so. He was rather enthusiastic over my selection in basic teaching because I was the only guy who was succeeded in grabbing a government job in whole of my family. While doing that, My father shared his wish with me. Now; he wants me to become a civil servant. I made up my mind, and started preparing for that. Meanwhile I postponed my marriage when it was only one week ahead, and all the 'Band, Baja, Baraat' was ready on my doorstep.

I don't know "what would I become in future?" There are millions of students preparing for becoming civil servant. It may be possible that I would only surplus that crowd and lost in that. While it is possible too that I become successful in that. It is purely depended on my hard work; my patience; my enthusiasm towards my goal and my destiny. Although I don't believe in destiny but many of the civil service aspirant says so.

I had not blamed my father for anything bad in my life, instead he was the ultimate source of inspiration for me. It is his dream, not mine, which I am living.

I know many of my friends would laugh at me and on my goal. But it does not matter me now. I am rather anxious over my goal, over my performance. "Would I be able to perform up to the expectations of my father."This question haunts me now and then. Till today, I have not lived in any competitive environment and I don't know how to compete with others. My life is going to change in few days. It is related to becoming successful or trapped only in  failure. I don't know what is hidden there in future for me. 'I can work hard on my studies' is the only thing I can do...............everything other is not in my hand....   

Jitendra Gupta